Its Back?

I changed the addy of my blog back. I was under the impression that blogger would reroute everyone but thats not the case. So. I fixed it. Check id out man.

Coming Home, Moving On

I have changed the address of this blog. It was surprisingly easy. I will also start posting on my tumblr hpshakespeare.tumblr.com simultaneously.

Good times.

So I have to delete about 2 pages from my book. I started writing things and got stuck because I was trying to force something that didn't work. Blerg.

I have to rewrite HOW many pages?!

This Ones For The Lonely, The Ones That Seek And Find

Only to be let down, time after time.

Grr... I'm annoyed. Want to talk about it but can't.

So. I'm still writing on this blog. Surprise, surprise, right? I'm lazy as balls. Haven't gotten around to changing that address, still want to post. Whatevs.

I deleted about 500 words today. I had two characters hooking up and then realized WHAT THE HELL THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE CHANGE IT NOW YOU IDIOT BEFORE YOU DESTROY YOUR BOOK

Thanks Buddha I fixed it.

I searched for "Buddha Monster" and this is what came up. haha

Born To Die

Heya, e'erone.

The future of this blog has become uncertain. I no longer want my name attached to it but it happens to be in the bloody URL.

I feel like this blog might be a deterrent for future employers who look me up online.

If I can figure out how to change the URL but keep everything else then I will keep the blog. If not, well I'll be deleting it and starting over with something much more anonymous.

So if anybody has any info, let me know.

In other news, I've started my second book, tentatively titled Rising Sun 2: Can't Think Of A Title.

Wrote over 900 words today which is 400 more than my daily goal. Hells yeah!

You Act So Different Around Me

Hmmm...

I, as always, am trying to figure out what to do with me life. A big thing I want to be my life's work is writing. Producing art. I want that to be my legacy. But it is so hard to make money in that so I am having to figure out other things to do.

The real thing I was wanting to think about was self publishing. This is the route I've decided to go.

Damn. I had a message I wanted to get across in the post but... I have no idea what it really was. I'm listening to a podcast, Geeks Guide to the Galaxy, and it's an interesting interview and I'm trying write at the same time and... it ain't working.

Alright so I'll do a list of some music I'm into lately.



-"Hail To The King" by Avenged Sevenfold.
This song just rocks off all the socks.

-"The End Of All Things" by Panic At The Disco.
Such a sad, wistful song. It makes me just stare into the middle distance and forget. Panic has a new album and it's really good. It also sounds a lot like...

-"The Phoenix" by Fall Out Boy.
I'm a huge FOB fan, have been since high school, and publicly a fan since 2007. This song has a good chorus.

-"Hold On We're Going Home" by Drake.
I know. What? Not my usual fare but it's catchy and stuck in my head.

In closing, don't give up on your dreams. You may not be the best or as good as you hoped but if you don't go for your dreams then you will always have that regret. That regret is not great.
Also learn to let go. It's hard but most DEFINITELY worth it.

Conflicting messages? I hope not.

HUBBIDA DUBBIDAH

I just finished mapping book two. It. Is. Awesome. Seriously. I can't wait for you guys to read it. It's going to be the best! It's even better than book one!!!! And brah's, book one was good.

On a related note, I can't stop saying brah. Variant of bro. Short for brother. Yeah, it's not great. But brah, it's the best.

I have applied and been accepted into school. Found out today. YAYA!

I am going to watch My Neighbor Totoro soon. Excited.

Can't think or write in correct. Sentences.

Blerg

workin' on my night cheese

Lessons Learned

I heard a Fall Out Boy song I've never heard before. I made me really happy.

Dreams are my curse and my (hopeful)redemption. 

I'm reading a book right now called EX-Heroes by Peter Cline. It's pretty good. Honestly, it started off a little slow and I was regretting buying it but then I forced myself to keep going, I have a hard time reading stuff that's not Harry Potter sometimes, and it's actually awesome. I'm almost finished and planning on buying the rest of the series.

On a related note I've decided to start buying books I like. I'm a writer and I'm hoping that people will buy my books. So I should support other authors. I'm going to start using a larger chunk of my income for books. Hell yeah!

Life is slowly teaching me the lesson that you can't make other people like you more than they are willing to. You can't make other people be better friends with you. You just have to accept the love others are willing to give and live with that. 

Grows Flowers In His Apartment

Editing of the Le Book should begin today. I am beyond excited. Once I publish it, I will post a link to it. You must all subsequently PURCHASE THE EFF OUT OF IT. Please.

I've been watching Louie. It's depressing/amazing.

I've also been watching Buffy. Which is my new favorite tv show.

this one book by this one blogger dude is AMAZING

Some of my favorite music includes:

• Panic at the Disco- Pretty Odd
• Coheed and Cambria- Year of the Black Rainbow
• AWOLNATION- Megalithic Symphony
• Mumford and Sons- Sigh No More

Cellos

I started another fuckin' job today. It's a lot better emotionally than the last one. It's a lot worse financially than the last one. It's not what I want to do. But it'll pay the bills.

My dream job was posted on craigslist. I'm going to apply for it tomorrow. It's probably not my real dream job but I think about it a lot.

I decided to just self publish my book. Because... FUCK THE PUBLISHING INDUSTRY AND IT'S BULLSHIT!!!

What, you want me to send my books to a billion different people? And then 99.9% of them won't even read it. Of those that do, 99.99% of them won't get back to me. Of those 99.9% that do, 100% of them will be rejections.

But then randomly one of them actually finds it in a trash can covered it snot filled tissues and empty wine bottles, little red stains making much of the first few pages illegible. This person likes my book. He emails me back and wants to work with me.

This person is a literary agent. Not a publisher. An agent. NOT A PUBLISHER!!! He just wants to try and sell my book to some publishers.

Oh, by the by. This is NOT a guarantee of publishing. This is a "guarantee" of this person trying  to see if maybe some other ass hole thinks it's good enough to get sell some copies.

And then the process is repeated. Infinitum.

So. Fuck them. I'm going out on my own. And it probably won't work. But I just don't have the life energy to try this.

This has given my soul such freedom.

I'm ready to write the second book. Yeeha!

yeah kinda feels like this

I'm ALSO going to start writing music again. Hopefully.

Psycho

Oy
That job didn't work out.
I got a job in pest control at a different company.
Good golly.

Ya Think?

Some thoughts:

-There are some people I can't stand being around. Self-righteous asses. Is what they are.

-Do you ever get the thought that you've messed up your life permanently?

-My back hurts. Kinda like my soul.

the void is looking down at you

Sigh No More

Plant your hope with good seeds.

I am writing my second book! The first one, Rising Sun, is in the shopping around point. This second one, The Halloween Brigade, is going to be a doozy.

One thing that I find interesting is the main characters of both are women. My sister recently commented that she thought I did a good job of writing for the opposite sex. I was, of course, thankful for the compliment but at the same time... I didn't really try that hard. Mostly I just wrote from a person who's in that situations point of view. Not a WOMAN who's in that situations point of view. Just a person.

I mean... what's the difference. They like to have sex with dudes instead of women (unless LGBT o' course), their clothes and hair are a little different... I can't think of really anything else different I would have written for a guy. The main character, Penny, in Rising Sun isn't as strong as some of the characters around her but... a lot of guys aren't as strong as the people around them. And a lot of women are stronger than those around them. Idk.

Thoughts?

This post was not what I originally meant to write about, btw. Just flowed. Flewed. Flew. Flow. Hmm, not sure how to say that. It flewed. I'll go with that. That sounds right. Right? Right.

that, my fine feathered friends, is passion in art

Balanced On A Knife's Edge Chance In Hell

Hooooooo boy.

I start my new job on Monday. I'm excited but nervous because it could go either way for me. But it's a good thing, I think. It's giving me the opportunity to stretch myself and grow in way's I've been scared to in the past.

I have also submitted my book to another agent. Waiting another two weeks. I really need to start submitting to multiple agents at once...

AAAAANNNNDDDD! I've started my second book. No, not a sequel to the first. If that one doesn't pan out I don't want to be stuck with a useless sequel I can't sell.

And that's the lousy truth!

A light at the end of the scary forest of life

Happy Happy Happy Fun Fun FUN

GUYS!

I got a new job. Calm down, I got this.

I start in 2 weeks.

Pray for me.

LOL!

This Is (Almost) The End

Well.

I haven't posted on here for awhile because my job has changed a lot and the stress has basically crippled me mentally. I have not the energy for creative things. I just watch TV or play video games to make myself forget my job.

I'm working 10-12 hours per day, 6 days per week. My pay has been consistent until Sept 01 when it will drop considerably.

The stress has drained me considerably and I had my first breakdown/panic attack while out with friends just a week or two ago.

Sorry it's so bleak but I literally don't know what to do. I've been applying for jobs but my current job requires so much of my time that I have no time to interview for other positions. But I can't just quit because I have bills to pay.

I have no idea what to do.

Blerg.

A Warning

Hello blogists.

I thought I should warn you:

I have decided to stop censoring myself on here. In real life I swear sometimes and it can get pretty annoying censoring my thoughts on here.

So.

From here on out please don't be surprised at any profanity that might pop up. It won't be over the top but it will exist.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! But don't be scared ; D

A Plain Morning

I discovered something upsetting last night as I was thinking about going to work the next day. Usually when I'm stressed out about work I say a prayer to God (typically I say it to Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother) and ask for a good day at work the next day or at least help to get through a bad day.

Last night I said the prayer asking for help, as I was expecting a rough day in the morn. As I prayed I realized I wasn't sure if there was a God up there listening to my prayers, not sure if there was a Mother and Father who cared about me up there, trying to help me out.

My belief in a God has faltered.

This is beyond upsetting to me.

One of the reasons this is so rough for me is that in my adult life I have experienced the feeling that nobody is there to catch me if I fall. Sure family will help with some things, but if the worst happens, my wife and I are on our own. We would be fucked. There is zero people willing to make my life go in a good direction. I'm on my own.

This is scary to me. I like fail safes. And up until now I have always been able to depend on God.

No more.

The only thing I have left is to keep trying to believe and hope that that belief will grow.

Sorry it's depressing but if you read this far than you probably already know that my blog ain't exactly a ray of sunshine. LOL!!!

Ahh, Nuts...

I'm going through (yet another) pretty stressful patch in my life.

The company I was working for was bought out by a different company. The new company offers benefits that I didn't get before and has the potential to pay better but the company culture is one I'm not really a fan of. It's a pain to adjust to.

I finished my book but I've been to busy with work to get it sent out to publishers.

For various reasons I have decided to stop exercising for the time being. One of the reasons, my knees, should be resolved soon as we are moving to an apartment complex with an awesome gym so my cardio options will not be limited to running or swimming in a tiny pool. The exercise thing in general should improve once move as home life will be A LOT LESS STRESSFUL. Living with people is not fun.

That's not everything but I did get some venting out which is nice. And now I'm going to go see Pacific Rim. HELL YEAH!!!

Goodnight Vienna

I have finished with my novel.

Sigh.

That's some good stuff. It felt amazing to finally finish. I listened to one of my favorite songs and had a dance party for five minutes. Good times.

Now the real work that I don't quite understand starts. Marketing my book.



This is the best song on the radio currently.

Not Gonna

Sometimes running is the best. I went today and it felt amazing. That was after I did a few laps around the pool AND that was after I did a termite job today. I think I'll sleep well tonight!

I have 4 chapters to final edit and then I am DONE with my book! Hell yeah! It's been about a year and a half. Good times.

'Cause I'm HAPPY, Happy, happy, nope.

Guys! I'm going crazy. I feel so... unsettled.

Work is rough, of course. Everyday feels like another day that I'm wasting my life.

Home is rough, of course. I'm living with a bunch of people. I feel very uncentered and awful. I'm eating a ton to make myself feel better and smother the fucking emotions that I am unable to deal with.

Writing is non-existent in the sense of creating new content. I'm still editing my first book though, thankfully, I'm almost done. It's really stressing me out because I feel like every free minute I have, I should be working. I feel like shit every time I'm not writing or editing because of the guilt and drive to improve my life. But that pushes me into a depression and then I EAT MORE!!! BLAAAAAAAAAAA.

There are some other problems that I don't want to air on this public blog. Perchaps I shall write them in my journal. hahahhahaha. As if I had a journal.

Music I'm listening to:
-Pharrell
-Florida Georgia Line

FUCK!

Southern Weather

We are finally in Texas. Don't know if I've mentioned this before, don't feel like going back and checking. I'm back to writing in editing at libraries during down time at work. Boo. But also, yay!

So, the real reason I am posting this... post is two fold:

1- I am GARBAGE at grammar. For someone who wants to be a writer, you'd think I could write!!!

2- Related to #1. Sometimes when I'm editing I just say "F**k it" and move on. This stuff is so bad that unless I did severe revisions, basically threw away the first half of the book and rewrote it, it's not going to to get much better no matter how much time I spend editing.

And finally: I came across some fringe "news" website about how Obama is the Antichrist. Great stuff. Google it. It will make your day with how AMAZING it is. I, for one, feel enlightened.

Oh My Holy Crap

I only have 5 chapters left on my first draft edit. YAY! I'm thinking that, barring any extreme story edits, the second and third drafts will go by much quicker as I will have pretty much polished everything that needs it. I've only really re-written a few chunks of writing and those were maybe a page apiece.

I've started dreaming about what life is going to be like when I'm a rich, successful writer. I can't help it. Some days thinking about that is the only thing that gets me through the day. If I didn't have that dream, I don't know how I'd get through most days. Just knowing this part of my life is temporary and it will lead to fantastic wealth and comfort is... amazing.

I know, I know. That's making huge assumptions but I feel like, HEY, why the hell not dream big. Even if I miss the moon, I'll land in the stars. The cold emptiness of space playing contrast to the burning heat of the giant flaming heavenly bodies... yup.

Song for your day: Stadium Love by Metric. It's catchy and fun and hurrah for good female fronted bands.

My New Best Friend

Man editing sucks. Or maybe I suck. Either way it's not getting done. I think this might be in part because we are moving in a couple weeks and my mind is stressed out and rebelling and being lazy helps me feel less shite.

Maybe.

I just finished the Scott Pilgrim series of comic books. It was AWESOME. I would highly suggest it if you like comic books.

That's all for now.

Sing A Song A Six Shooter

I'm sooo tired today. I just ate a BLOODY TON of carbs in the form of bread, more bread, potatoes (carbs? not sure on that one), and cake. Lots of bloody cake. I was barely able to walk to my brothers house down the street.

I lurrrrve podcasts. That's the only thing that gets me through many days at work. Driving around and talking to complete ARSE HOLES!!! Selling crap. Spraying crap. Boo. Anyways, a couple of my favorites are The Drabblecast and StarShip Sofa. But, unfortunately, they aren't doing well financially. They really need donations so if you could check them out and see if you like them and if you like them then please donate! They are worth supporting.

I am about one third of the way through my first book revision. It's pretty boring. Maybe that says something about my book but I'd prefer to think not. Just that I get bored real easy like.

Zzzzzzz...

Oh, sorry guys. Fell asleep for a sec. To many carbs.

Boo, You Whorecrux

Just watched Mean Girls and I gotta say, that movie is great. Now we are watching Bachelorette which I am told is good but... I'm doubtful.
Also I'm excited to see Dirty Dancing again. Man I'm a sucker for chick flicks. What the F?!

Again, also: What the F happened to Kirsten Dunst. Also even more I HATE it when actors with cool accents try to do American accents. STOP IT!!! The reason I like you is your accent. IDIOT!

What Is That Noise?!

Every time I hear the song Serenade by Schubert I think of an episode of something or other featuring, I think, Donald Duck. It shows him being extremely depressed and the ocean luring him in to kill himself. But at the end he rallies and escapes the ocean. Over the whole thing a narrator comments on the heroes struggle.

Has anyone out there seen or heard of this episode? It's driving me crazy. I can find no reference to it anywhere on the internet.

What You Did In The Dark

Book Update: There is nothing to update!

Ever since I finished the first draft I haven't been able to start rewriting. I have done literally zero work since then on it.

It's a bummer!

Work is going so so. I thought I would do really well at this job but I'm only doing sort of okay. And I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of getting fired, which can be very stressful. But such is life, eh? It's strange because I feel like the universe dropped this job in my lap and now it feels like the universe is trying to get me fired. WTF UNIVERSE?!! Jk, universe, jk. I only kid.

What do you mean I have to work hard to keep my job?

The End

Today at 9:54 p.m. I finished my first book. It feels amazing yet still daunting. I have tons of editing and rewriting to do before it's ready to be sent in for publishing but it's such a milestone and I've gotten such a sense of accomplishment from it. I haven't accomplished much in my life. This is nice.

Like A Polaroid

I Just got back from an overall pretty great vacation to see some of my friends get married. . Lots of sleep was not had, lots of food and drink was consumed (probably to much of both) and many great memories were made. I also made a lot of great realizations, some of which are portrayed below.

1-Time is the most precious resource. Not gold or water or even children. Time.

2-Dancing is pretty fun. I'm not great and I probably looked like a whale flailing around in a bad fitting suit but such is life. I just need a little liquid courage and I'm good to go!

3-It's ridiculous to not do something just because of what someone else might think!

4-I really like the acoustic cover of Hey Ya by Matt Weddle.

5-I need to start taking some kind of medication or something and probably go into therapy. I have a lot of issues that I should probably take care of before I have kids. Yeah.

6-I'm not great at Poker and I really don't care that much.

And a lot more probably but it is now lost in a haze of almost memories.

Where The Ragged People Go

I'm almost done with my book! I will probably finish today which I'm hoping I do because I haven't been doing well with work AND writing.

If you want to hear some Mumford and Sons, here is a great cover they did of Simon and Garfunkels song The Boxer

It Would Take A Whole Lot Of Medication

I'm so excited right now!

I just landed a job that is, at least thus far, AWESOME. It's basically what I've been doing for the past two years but WAY EASIER AND BETTER PAY! YESSSS!!!

And second reason I'm so excited...

I'M ALMOST DONE WITH MY FIRST NOVEL!!!!!!!

ALSHDFLHASDFKLHASDKJF;LIYA;OIHASDIDO;IASDDF;OIH;QAEWFOIQW;K;F;ASDIF;LKISDFKH;ASD;KJFHAS;LIDFLIHLADSG

... sorry. Excitement caused me to lose control of my typing and, well, it weren't purdy.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

For the first time in a long time, things are looking up.

AND I'm going to Texas in about 2 weeks for my friends' (two of my good friends are getting married, not sure if this is the proper punctuation for that event) wedding. I've really missed all my Texas homies and fambily (yes I purposely misspelled) and it will be good to see them again. But also kinda hard. But such is life.

Now I'm bummed... CURSES.

Wait, no I just needed to think about the awesome stuff again and HOOORAAAYYY!!!

On a COMPLETELY different note, a song from Les Mis came on my iPod (that's hard figuring out the correct capitalization!) called "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" and I repeated it like 14 times. Yeah, bloody good song.

probably one of the saddest scenes ever

Anyways... 

This post turned out to be way longer than I thought it was going to be. Sorry dudes. Just kidding. You're reading this for free so stop complaining. This is 100% free content. 

I'm listening to a song now by Mumford and Sons and guess what: Mumford and Sons is the best. Just in case you were wondering.

Life, Interupted

For the past couple of months I have been dealing with a painful medical condition. I won't get in to details but it was quite scary for about a week and I'm pretty much constant pain. I'm on antibiotics right now and I'm trying some natural stuff as well but it doesn't seem to be happening. This has in turn affected my ability to go to work in the sense that I can't motivate myself to do it when I'm physically and emotionally tired from dealing with the constant pain and discomfort and the worry of it not going away, just getting worse.

And then add on top of that the fact that I'm not a huge fan of my current job anyways, well you can understand how I'm having a rough time of it.

On the plus side I am almost done with the first draft of my book! I have probably a couple months left if I stick to my goals. Pretty excited to finally finish. I know it's only the beginning of a long process but it will be the first major goal I've achieved in a long time. Yeah, I'm pretty depressing. LOL. But not really.

Oh, and on the major plus side! Fall Out Boy, one of my favorite bands, is releasing a new album in May! What?!

hooray!

I'm beginning to change the way I view God and religion. I grew up in an extremely conservative household and culture and I've begun to break out of that viewpoint to truths I couldn't see or accept before this point. 

It's a little scary because my upbringing taught me that thinking outside of their prescribed box brought damnation and eternal torment so I'm understandably a little nervous about thinking other things than what I've been fed my whole life but it's also liberating to be able to believe spiritually that don't conflict with my moral, political, and social beliefs. Whew!

beautiful

I'm beginning to understand that I should question things, not just accept things blindly. That's how evil is allowed to flourish. 

Never Guitars In July

It's the last day of January tomorrow. Crazy stuff. I've been able to stay on top of writing this month and in fact I'm actually ahead of my monthly goal and will probably end January about 2500 words on top. YAY!

Work is going... okay. It's definitely work but my schedule changed to mornings M-F so that definitely helps but getting up early is really kicking my butt.

Yeah, yeah!

You're Never Going To Believe This!

Staying positive is rough sometimes. I do well one day but then it's like... why do I have to be positive again?!

Totally, You Guys

Dear God.

Do I really need another dose of humility? Have I not been HUMILIATED enough times in my life? I suppose by the measure of today that I have not. Well... I suppose I should stop expecting things to go well ALL the time in my life, eh? Or, like, ever?

Sincerely, Me.

Anyways... as you can probably tell from the above post, things could be better in my life. And yes, damn it, I know things could be worse. I've lived those worse times, I freaking know they exist.  But honestly things could be going a lot better for me. And yet at the same time it begs the question: What did I honestly expect from MY life?

They say God created everybody and gave them their flaws. I would like to take this time to thank God for creating me the way I am. Yes in my design was created, by way of nature AND nurture, the most successful and happy possible person to live in this world God created the rules for. Oh wait, the opposite of that. Yeah.

Thanks. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Really.

P.S. Sorry for the self pitying post. Sometimes all this bitterness builds up inside me and it's hard not to vent it.