Balanced On A Knife's Edge Chance In Hell

Hooooooo boy.

I start my new job on Monday. I'm excited but nervous because it could go either way for me. But it's a good thing, I think. It's giving me the opportunity to stretch myself and grow in way's I've been scared to in the past.

I have also submitted my book to another agent. Waiting another two weeks. I really need to start submitting to multiple agents at once...

AAAAANNNNDDDD! I've started my second book. No, not a sequel to the first. If that one doesn't pan out I don't want to be stuck with a useless sequel I can't sell.

And that's the lousy truth!

A light at the end of the scary forest of life

Happy Happy Happy Fun Fun FUN

GUYS!

I got a new job. Calm down, I got this.

I start in 2 weeks.

Pray for me.

LOL!

This Is (Almost) The End

Well.

I haven't posted on here for awhile because my job has changed a lot and the stress has basically crippled me mentally. I have not the energy for creative things. I just watch TV or play video games to make myself forget my job.

I'm working 10-12 hours per day, 6 days per week. My pay has been consistent until Sept 01 when it will drop considerably.

The stress has drained me considerably and I had my first breakdown/panic attack while out with friends just a week or two ago.

Sorry it's so bleak but I literally don't know what to do. I've been applying for jobs but my current job requires so much of my time that I have no time to interview for other positions. But I can't just quit because I have bills to pay.

I have no idea what to do.

Blerg.

A Warning

Hello blogists.

I thought I should warn you:

I have decided to stop censoring myself on here. In real life I swear sometimes and it can get pretty annoying censoring my thoughts on here.

So.

From here on out please don't be surprised at any profanity that might pop up. It won't be over the top but it will exist.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! But don't be scared ; D

A Plain Morning

I discovered something upsetting last night as I was thinking about going to work the next day. Usually when I'm stressed out about work I say a prayer to God (typically I say it to Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother) and ask for a good day at work the next day or at least help to get through a bad day.

Last night I said the prayer asking for help, as I was expecting a rough day in the morn. As I prayed I realized I wasn't sure if there was a God up there listening to my prayers, not sure if there was a Mother and Father who cared about me up there, trying to help me out.

My belief in a God has faltered.

This is beyond upsetting to me.

One of the reasons this is so rough for me is that in my adult life I have experienced the feeling that nobody is there to catch me if I fall. Sure family will help with some things, but if the worst happens, my wife and I are on our own. We would be fucked. There is zero people willing to make my life go in a good direction. I'm on my own.

This is scary to me. I like fail safes. And up until now I have always been able to depend on God.

No more.

The only thing I have left is to keep trying to believe and hope that that belief will grow.

Sorry it's depressing but if you read this far than you probably already know that my blog ain't exactly a ray of sunshine. LOL!!!

Ahh, Nuts...

I'm going through (yet another) pretty stressful patch in my life.

The company I was working for was bought out by a different company. The new company offers benefits that I didn't get before and has the potential to pay better but the company culture is one I'm not really a fan of. It's a pain to adjust to.

I finished my book but I've been to busy with work to get it sent out to publishers.

For various reasons I have decided to stop exercising for the time being. One of the reasons, my knees, should be resolved soon as we are moving to an apartment complex with an awesome gym so my cardio options will not be limited to running or swimming in a tiny pool. The exercise thing in general should improve once move as home life will be A LOT LESS STRESSFUL. Living with people is not fun.

That's not everything but I did get some venting out which is nice. And now I'm going to go see Pacific Rim. HELL YEAH!!!

Goodnight Vienna

I have finished with my novel.

Sigh.

That's some good stuff. It felt amazing to finally finish. I listened to one of my favorite songs and had a dance party for five minutes. Good times.

Now the real work that I don't quite understand starts. Marketing my book.



This is the best song on the radio currently.